The laugh is on me. Or is it?

I have more than a hundred reasons to hate you. One of them is this pain i'm going through.

But, i chose to put the blame on me. Why? Coz i know, the blame SHOULD be on me.


Yes, you can so effortlessly not look at me, ignore my pressence, pass me off as an irksome fruit fly. Yes, i know.

But, i clammed up. Nope, since i was the wrong, i put myself through this pain, to serve myself a reminder, a lesson. But this lesson is too great for me to learn.

I am after all, a kid.

Oh, i know, i've been telling myself again and again to just grit my teeth and face the music. Lies and excuses, i have made to make myself the innocent one.

But we all know, this is my problem, my fear of facing my mistakes.


I try and strive so hard, not to look at you, not to hear your voice, not to tune into your laughter. But i can't. I can't believe i used to enjoy your pressence and now, all i wish is for you is to disappear.

No wait, that's not fair, i should be the one who's going. If i knew that things would end out this way, it may sound cruel, but i wish we had never met.

Do you hate me now? Do you loathe my pressence? Am i unforgivable? Even if you're screaming or yelling, i want to know. I just....i don't know, i just get this aura from you that's so intimidating i don't even have the guts to come close to you.

Firewall huh?

i really hope, i sincerely do, that i would be able to express myself to you properly and CORRECTLY. I do not like the now me, nor do i like the now you....wait, you've always been that way, so i guess you had never changed,it's me right? right.



Some advice i got today:
To be able to effectively hit on a girl....

....use lettuce. (inside joke)

I can't stop, I can't stop loving you.
You're a dreamer and dreaming's what you do,
I won't stop believing that this is the end,
there must be another way.
Cos I couldn't handle the thought of you going away,

Sorry's not good enough, why are we breaking up?
Cos I didn't treat you rough so please don't go changing.
What was I thinking of?
You said you're out of love,
baby don't call this off because sorry's not good enough.

Don't stop, all those things you do.
I'm a believer and that's what gets you through,
I can't fight this feeling that this is the end,
We're in the thick of it, where will this ever end?

Sorry's not good enough, why are we breaking up?
Cos I didn't treat you rough so please don't go changing.
What was I thinking of?
You said you're out of love,
baby don't call this off because...

sorry's not good enough