Omg. Sob.Sniff.
THANK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE FOR THEIR KIND COMMENTS ON MY LITTLE STORY.
...though i think most of them just said those things just to cheer me up.
Oh well. Pass that. =)
Seriously, you guys cannot imagine the effort i'm putting into these short stories. Yes, THESE. Once i've finish the 'Little Boy' story, i'll probably post up the other short stories i've written.
It's like what wei ren said, i've found my calling.
Oh donkey-butt, received the SPM timetable. Once again, reality rears its ugly head. TIME TO STUDY. (yea right...)
Birthday schmirthday.
I am not looking forward to it.
Repeat,AM NOT looking forward to it.
Why?
Plenty of reasons which i don't see the nescessity of writing it out, because i know, it'll just make me more agitated than i already am.
But on the little bright side, i got a new camera from my dad. It's SLIM. and it's 10.1 MP. Good enough. Thanks dad.
STAY TUNED FOR THE FINAL PART OF 'Little Boy'.
am refraining myself from writing these small,cursive emo lines.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Story from the heart. Part 2
Yes, i have no will-power at all. I re-assembled my computer. Go ahead and laugh all you want,you bastards.
Yes, the 'Little Boy' story is an original production by yours truly. I thank all the good people for the positive comments, and i will continue the story, for i am quite fond of it.
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication,'Little Boy' may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,or transmitted, in any form or by any means,without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, or else the author will be damn pissed and will fuck you up.
thank you.
'Little Boy. Part II'
Little Boy feels detached.
From everything.
He treads carelessly
down that path.
The noises that deafens all others,
he hears them not.
He is,after all, detached.
Not only is he oblivious to his surroundings,
he does not even bother
with his physical well-being anymore.
Little Boy no longer
feels.....anything at all.
His heart...
locked deep within his soul,
or it might've been lost,
he knows not.
All he tastes now
is the bitter feeling
of loss.
He tries to remember
the Old Man's words.
He recalls them, vaguely.
But all he hears now
is the screeching regret that
ravages every fibre of
his broken body.
'That's all i am now,'
Little Boy thought.
'A broken body
with a loss cause.'
He looks down at his own feet,
mildly surprised to see
his marvelous dancing feet
are so laden with cuts and wounds,
obtained by walking that jagged road.
He does a little jig,
but stops abruptly.
Pain.
White hot pain.
Memories of old,
hits him hard in the guts,
racks him with undiluted guilt.
Little Boy drops,
tears of frustration,
wells up.
How long Little Boy
sat there,
he can't even fanthom.
All he knows
that it is too late
to turn back.
Turn back to the days of joy and dancing.
There is only one way to take.
On.
On, to that deep abyss.
Yes, the 'Little Boy' story is an original production by yours truly. I thank all the good people for the positive comments, and i will continue the story, for i am quite fond of it.
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication,'Little Boy' may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,or transmitted, in any form or by any means,without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, or else the author will be damn pissed and will fuck you up.
thank you.
'Little Boy. Part II'
Little Boy feels detached.
From everything.
He treads carelessly
down that path.
The noises that deafens all others,
he hears them not.
He is,after all, detached.
Not only is he oblivious to his surroundings,
he does not even bother
with his physical well-being anymore.
Little Boy no longer
feels.....anything at all.
His heart...
locked deep within his soul,
or it might've been lost,
he knows not.
All he tastes now
is the bitter feeling
of loss.
He tries to remember
the Old Man's words.
He recalls them, vaguely.
But all he hears now
is the screeching regret that
ravages every fibre of
his broken body.
'That's all i am now,'
Little Boy thought.
'A broken body
with a loss cause.'
He looks down at his own feet,
mildly surprised to see
his marvelous dancing feet
are so laden with cuts and wounds,
obtained by walking that jagged road.
He does a little jig,
but stops abruptly.
Pain.
White hot pain.
Memories of old,
hits him hard in the guts,
racks him with undiluted guilt.
Little Boy drops,
tears of frustration,
wells up.
How long Little Boy
sat there,
he can't even fanthom.
All he knows
that it is too late
to turn back.
Turn back to the days of joy and dancing.
There is only one way to take.
On.
On, to that deep abyss.
Monday, July 28, 2008
A story from the heart.
'Little Boy'
Once upon a time,(damn,how many stories have started like THAT?)
there lived Little Boy in the Light Realm.
He loved to dance,
and danced where ever and everywhere he went.
He was so cheerful, so carefree,
and he danced like there was no tomorrow.
Little Boy did not dance alone,of course.
He had a ring of friends,
who danced with him.
He was happy to be able to dance with them
and vice versa.
But Little Boy had but one little flaw.
One day,
while dancing,
he tripped a friend,
and the friend fell quite badly,
and could not dance again.
Little Boy did not even notice,
he just pranced around as usual,
leaving his friend crying on the floor.
His friend was offended, hurt, angry,
but most of all, disappointed.
The friend limped away,
and danced no more.
Soon,
Little Boy had nearly almost 'tripped' all his friends,
and his little dancing circle just got smaller and smaller,
until the day came,
when Little Boy looked around,
and saw he was alone.
Utterly alone.
He tried to dance as usual,
but no longer could he execute moves
as fluidly as he used to.
He no longer felt the joy in dancing,
for he now danced alone in silence,
that ringing silence.
Little Boy dropped to the floor,
and danced no more,
but began to weep in earnest.
Old Man hobbled along,
and saw Little Boy crying.
'Little Boy,Little Boy, why are you crying?'
Little Boy looked up and
stared at Old Man with doleful eyes.
'My friends have left me.
I hurt them, and i did not notice.
I hurt them, and i did not even apologize.
I hurt them, and now i'm all alone.'
Old Man smiled, and sat down on the floor with Little Boy.
'Be brave Little Boy.Tomorrow's not too late to find them and tell them how sorry you are.'
To that,Little Boy said:
'But it's always too late when you have nothing.'
Throwing away his dancing shoes,
Little Boy drifted to the Dark Realm,
and kept his heart locked.
Never again did he dance or laugh.
His heart ached so badly,
yearned so desperately,
to seek his lost friends and to make things up.
But his courage failed him,
he dare not look at his friends in the eyes.
Little Boy was angry at himself,
angry at his cowardice.
'What will i do?', thought Little Boy.
He lifted his head,
and mourned at the moon.....
i wonder how the story will end?
'Everyone deserves to have his or her life.'
-Addison Montgomery
Once upon a time,(damn,how many stories have started like THAT?)
there lived Little Boy in the Light Realm.
He loved to dance,
and danced where ever and everywhere he went.
He was so cheerful, so carefree,
and he danced like there was no tomorrow.
Little Boy did not dance alone,of course.
He had a ring of friends,
who danced with him.
He was happy to be able to dance with them
and vice versa.
But Little Boy had but one little flaw.
One day,
while dancing,
he tripped a friend,
and the friend fell quite badly,
and could not dance again.
Little Boy did not even notice,
he just pranced around as usual,
leaving his friend crying on the floor.
His friend was offended, hurt, angry,
but most of all, disappointed.
The friend limped away,
and danced no more.
Soon,
Little Boy had nearly almost 'tripped' all his friends,
and his little dancing circle just got smaller and smaller,
until the day came,
when Little Boy looked around,
and saw he was alone.
Utterly alone.
He tried to dance as usual,
but no longer could he execute moves
as fluidly as he used to.
He no longer felt the joy in dancing,
for he now danced alone in silence,
that ringing silence.
Little Boy dropped to the floor,
and danced no more,
but began to weep in earnest.
Old Man hobbled along,
and saw Little Boy crying.
'Little Boy,Little Boy, why are you crying?'
Little Boy looked up and
stared at Old Man with doleful eyes.
'My friends have left me.
I hurt them, and i did not notice.
I hurt them, and i did not even apologize.
I hurt them, and now i'm all alone.'
Old Man smiled, and sat down on the floor with Little Boy.
'Be brave Little Boy.Tomorrow's not too late to find them and tell them how sorry you are.'
To that,Little Boy said:
'But it's always too late when you have nothing.'
Throwing away his dancing shoes,
Little Boy drifted to the Dark Realm,
and kept his heart locked.
Never again did he dance or laugh.
His heart ached so badly,
yearned so desperately,
to seek his lost friends and to make things up.
But his courage failed him,
he dare not look at his friends in the eyes.
Little Boy was angry at himself,
angry at his cowardice.
'What will i do?', thought Little Boy.
He lifted his head,
and mourned at the moon.....
i wonder how the story will end?
'Everyone deserves to have his or her life.'
-Addison Montgomery
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Have you ever cough and fart at the same time?
i did not lie.
I really dismantled my computer ok? Using my mom's laptop now. Omg, i have no willpower at all. I can't survive without onlining la....
Today,skipped school. Escaped Mr Ng's double period torture. How you ask?
The 9th Law Olympiad Challenge.
My (joker) team:
Me,Fiona, Raju,Thambi and Ah Neh.
sadly, triple indian power was not enough to secure a top placing. We ended up getting 17th out of 45 teams. NOT BAD laaaaaa.....
but dulan part is, we lost to the other CHS team by ONE point. 72-71. WTF.
YouTube being a bitch la. Here's the link. Our performance. 3 songs in one video. GO WATCH DAMMIT!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvAmA5RxGGQ
i was....no, am not missed.
i'm so replaceable.
I really dismantled my computer ok? Using my mom's laptop now. Omg, i have no willpower at all. I can't survive without onlining la....
Today,skipped school. Escaped Mr Ng's double period torture. How you ask?
The 9th Law Olympiad Challenge.
My (joker) team:
Me,Fiona, Raju,Thambi and Ah Neh.
sadly, triple indian power was not enough to secure a top placing. We ended up getting 17th out of 45 teams. NOT BAD laaaaaa.....
but dulan part is, we lost to the other CHS team by ONE point. 72-71. WTF.
YouTube being a bitch la. Here's the link. Our performance. 3 songs in one video. GO WATCH DAMMIT!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvAmA5RxGGQ
i was....no, am not missed.
i'm so replaceable.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
It's like a little bit bereavement. Wait, what?
It's about high time i re-evaluated my life. Maybe i've gotten all my priorities all wrong, all jumbled up. Wait, i don't even have priorities to begin with.
What the fuck did i just crap about? motherfuckin contradiction shits.
I can be happy. No, i really can, if i want to. You can tell me a joke and i'll still laugh like the idiot i am. Just don't let me immerse myself in silence, 'cause that's when all the dark thoughs start marching in. Silence is a bitch.
Like now.
Maybe....maybe all i want now, is just some answers. Answers for my many questions.
But then again, Silence is my new best friend.
I resent it, all of it.
Is it alright for me to say, again,
I miss it?
I'ma stop blogging...for now. I think i gotta start cramming for SPM already. Besides, the more i blog, the emo-er i get. Will post the video of our performance later.
Goodbye MechQuest.
Goodbye Facebook.
Goodbye OneManga.
Goodbye YouTube.
Goodbye Blog.
Goodbye Counter-strike.
Goodbye me.
Till then.
teehee....someone's looking uber cute in glasses. LOLOLOLOLOL.
What the fuck did i just crap about? motherfuckin contradiction shits.
I can be happy. No, i really can, if i want to. You can tell me a joke and i'll still laugh like the idiot i am. Just don't let me immerse myself in silence, 'cause that's when all the dark thoughs start marching in. Silence is a bitch.
Like now.
Maybe....maybe all i want now, is just some answers. Answers for my many questions.
But then again, Silence is my new best friend.
I resent it, all of it.
Is it alright for me to say, again,
I miss it?
I'ma stop blogging...for now. I think i gotta start cramming for SPM already. Besides, the more i blog, the emo-er i get. Will post the video of our performance later.
Goodbye MechQuest.
Goodbye Facebook.
Goodbye OneManga.
Goodbye YouTube.
Goodbye Blog.
Goodbye Counter-strike.
Goodbye me.
Till then.
teehee....someone's looking uber cute in glasses. LOLOLOLOLOL.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
No title because i have no inspiration.
Report card day wasn't THAT bad. At least i'm still sitting here blogging.
Cheers.
Nothing much to update.
LOLZ still recruiting new Zuperheroes. Sign up with me via msn or email.
I think i need to start studying.....
i had so many chances.
i should've plucked up the courage
and talked.
but no,
i walked away.
Pretending i'm fine,
pretending that everything's okay
when it's not.
Should I........
Cheers.
Nothing much to update.
LOLZ still recruiting new Zuperheroes. Sign up with me via msn or email.
I think i need to start studying.....
i had so many chances.
i should've plucked up the courage
and talked.
but no,
i walked away.
Pretending i'm fine,
pretending that everything's okay
when it's not.
Should I........
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
it's over....for now.
Haha. Yea man. No more emo-ness.
Why?
Coz i just watched our performance video on YouTube .....AGAIN! hehe. Damn syok sendiri now.
Our First song. Year 3000.
Second. Jenny.
Last. Unwell. Still yet to be found. Please, if anyone of you recorded it, at least send it to me. and photos too will be appreciated.
Tomorrow Report Card Day. Mommy going to go take. She stil doesn't know i failed 3 subjects. Gulp.
Oh, and Birthday Shoutout to:
MR CHUA LI SHAWN a.k.a PURPLE DINOSAUR a.k.a The Farter!!!
Wishing you all the best. And do the LOLZ proud.
speaking of LOLZ.....
League of 'Li Hai*' ZuperHeroes (LOLZ for short) is a group of gifted people whom are dedicated to rid the world of evil and the occasional indian vegetarian rapist.
*li hai is geng in chinese.
Founder/Leader: Victor Goh a.k.a The Bottle Opener.
Ability: Able to open/uncork ANY bottle without touching them.
Members:
Chua Li Shawn a.k.a The Farter.
Ability: Able to create fart waves similiar to the ones emitted through the ass with almost any part of his body. The fart waves are non-lethal but are able to burst the target's eardrums and render them immobile....and deaf.
Chye Nyit Yang a.k.a Thambi a.k.a The Turn On-er.
Ability: Able to switch on any electrical appliances with a screen on it telepathically. He is now hoping he can 'turn on' girls. Yet to be seen.
We urge those out there who have kept their hidden powers dormant to come out and join us. We need your strength to chase away people like Lee Kim Lai and Ng Kok Yew. Don't be afraid of your powers, embrace them, you are not a freak. You can be a member of LOLZ.
'With great power comes great responsibility.'
Why?
Coz i just watched our performance video on YouTube .....AGAIN! hehe. Damn syok sendiri now.
Our First song. Year 3000.
Second. Jenny.
Last. Unwell. Still yet to be found. Please, if anyone of you recorded it, at least send it to me. and photos too will be appreciated.
Tomorrow Report Card Day. Mommy going to go take. She stil doesn't know i failed 3 subjects. Gulp.
Oh, and Birthday Shoutout to:
MR CHUA LI SHAWN a.k.a PURPLE DINOSAUR a.k.a The Farter!!!
Wishing you all the best. And do the LOLZ proud.
speaking of LOLZ.....
League of 'Li Hai*' ZuperHeroes (LOLZ for short) is a group of gifted people whom are dedicated to rid the world of evil and the occasional indian vegetarian rapist.
*li hai is geng in chinese.
Founder/Leader: Victor Goh a.k.a The Bottle Opener.
Ability: Able to open/uncork ANY bottle without touching them.
Members:
Chua Li Shawn a.k.a The Farter.
Ability: Able to create fart waves similiar to the ones emitted through the ass with almost any part of his body. The fart waves are non-lethal but are able to burst the target's eardrums and render them immobile....and deaf.
Chye Nyit Yang a.k.a Thambi a.k.a The Turn On-er.
Ability: Able to switch on any electrical appliances with a screen on it telepathically. He is now hoping he can 'turn on' girls. Yet to be seen.
We urge those out there who have kept their hidden powers dormant to come out and join us. We need your strength to chase away people like Lee Kim Lai and Ng Kok Yew. Don't be afraid of your powers, embrace them, you are not a freak. You can be a member of LOLZ.
'With great power comes great responsibility.'
Though i cannot fly, i'm not content to crawl.
Was this close re-opening my other blog, the....well, emo one.
But i thought better of it. I'ma try harder not to think about it.
Ng Kok Yew is a bitch. Nuff said.
....dammit, i still can't get over it.
gonna hit the one-month mark.
Shit on toast.
But i thought better of it. I'ma try harder not to think about it.
Ng Kok Yew is a bitch. Nuff said.
....dammit, i still can't get over it.
gonna hit the one-month mark.
Shit on toast.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Still euphoric. Still melancholic. Still me.
FIRST! B'DAY SHOUTOUT TO :
and i want our performance pictures. Anyone has em? please kindly send them to me. If i wait for jiacheng's photos, it'll be next year already.
and screw the Cheer photos. Jiacheng STILL hasn't sent em to me. Go Astin's blog and see for yourself.
oh, and i'm starting to get used to this....'situation'.
but dammit, i still ain't liking it one bit.
Oh well.
MR CHYE NYIT YANG A.K.A THAMBI!!!!
happy 17th birthday bro. Enjoyed the music sessions we had. Kawan baik-est and hitam-est la you. Get your license ASAP and hanter me places man. HAHA.May your best wishes come true.
It's been more than 48 hours now, but fuck, i am still damn hyped up about our performance. C'mon, it was NICE kan????? I saw the video of us performing on YouTube. Hmm...was it the camera or the singing? i deno, but it sounded so different.
Oh what the heck, we rocked, that's all that matters.
oh, and the Dictionary is FUN. Yes, FUN.
and i am FAT. Fat here, Fat there. FAT everywhere. (thank you gabek.)
and i want our performance pictures. Anyone has em? please kindly send them to me. If i wait for jiacheng's photos, it'll be next year already.
and screw the Cheer photos. Jiacheng STILL hasn't sent em to me. Go Astin's blog and see for yourself.
oh, and i'm starting to get used to this....'situation'.
but dammit, i still ain't liking it one bit.
Oh well.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Here I Am. Rock you like a Hurricane.
Scouts Campfire Night 2008: Odyssey Aeon. Last night....
....WAS ABSOLUTELY THE BOMB!!!!!!
....WAS ABSOLUTELY THE BOMB!!!!!!
WOOHOOO!!!!!
MY GOD! how long has it been since i felt so.....haigei??? If i may say so, i personally think this performance was our best. TOTALLY ROXXOR!!!!!
Thanks to BrianC,Ben and Nyit Yang. You guys were awesome. And nyit yang, kudos for your emcee-ing. I knew you'd pull through, you did swell, seriously.
Songs we performed:
1) Year 3000- Busted (no,not the jonas brother one, they are fucking gay, with a capital G)
2) Jenny- Click 5
3) Unwell- Matchbox 20
I totally felt like a star, especially when a few people ran in front (gabek) and like,take our photos. Total rockstar feel. The shitty part was....we could not see the crowd, AT ALL. Pitch black. Can't even see the hands waving. But still, ROXXOR!!!!!
Pictures....erm, will get them jiacheng or other peeps who have em.
Still, a little black dot on my piece of white paper. Just a LITTLE sense of loss when i was singing Unwell. Very emotional when i sang that song. Still, i gotta get on with life. Can't keep kicking in the mud now, can I?
Lame momentS of the day(or yesterday in this case):
1) Me, obiang-ness overload. Ran around paksa-ing people to say my tie damn nice, which was incidentally DAMN NICE! Eh, it's damn nice, damn nice ok ok ok ??? My FIRST time dressing up in this style, so say it's nice!!!
2) On stage, was feeling very Danny Jones-ish. So i like shouted ' Look! i got sweat patches' while like raising my arms to show my armpits. Total.....silence. -.-"
3) The cup thingy. BrianC and mommy Cheryl will remember that. HAHA.
4) Slideshow. Wei Ren died a very slow and painful death. 5 star performance. hehe. and Tuan Hann and Keenen. 5 star dungu-ness for your....clip. Was cackling like mad goose. Cheers.
still, i was hoping that song would be heard.
but you can't always get what you want in life now, can you?
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know,
I know,
right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
Friday, July 18, 2008
Jump down and float back up? Impossible.
Everything i say(or type) now is redundant. No point in repeating.
They say,
writing down everything, express all that is inside you,
will make you feel better,
than bottling up everything.
bullshit.
It's making me feel worse, if anything.
I'm still sorry.
Sorry that i was never tactful.
Sorry that i offended all of you.
Sorry that i can't be the person i used to be.
Sorry that we ain't friends anymore.
Sorry for almost everything.
Maybe,in the end,
falling for you was my mistake,
my blunder.
This....crush?
Yea, that.
It costs too much.
I can't pay for it.
Is there any refund counter? Please?
They say,
writing down everything, express all that is inside you,
will make you feel better,
than bottling up everything.
bullshit.
It's making me feel worse, if anything.
I'm still sorry.
Sorry that i was never tactful.
Sorry that i offended all of you.
Sorry that i can't be the person i used to be.
Sorry that we ain't friends anymore.
Sorry for almost everything.
Maybe,in the end,
falling for you was my mistake,
my blunder.
This....crush?
Yea, that.
It costs too much.
I can't pay for it.
Is there any refund counter? Please?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
When i thought things would get better....
I hate my blog,
why?
Coz it betrays me.
I hate my blog,
because when people read it,
they mis-interpret it.
I hate my blog,
Coz of what is in here,
people will come up to me,
and say:
'Hey, you alright?'
I hate my blog,
just when i thought i found a place to throw in my private thoughts,
then i remember,
it's public.
I hate my blog,
because it's black,
and black means EMO
I hate my blog.
but i hate myself more,
coz i'm the one filling it up.
Plenty of other things i'd like to hate, like Brian Loh getting Batman movie tickets, and i don't.
But hate one thing at a time baby. One thing at a time.
how long must this last?
this fued?
What am i suppose to do?
I miss all of that....
why?
Coz it betrays me.
I hate my blog,
because when people read it,
they mis-interpret it.
I hate my blog,
Coz of what is in here,
people will come up to me,
and say:
'Hey, you alright?'
I hate my blog,
just when i thought i found a place to throw in my private thoughts,
then i remember,
it's public.
I hate my blog,
because it's black,
and black means EMO
I hate my blog.
but i hate myself more,
coz i'm the one filling it up.
Plenty of other things i'd like to hate, like Brian Loh getting Batman movie tickets, and i don't.
But hate one thing at a time baby. One thing at a time.
how long must this last?
this fued?
What am i suppose to do?
I miss all of that....
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Smash your head through that brickwall, dork.
I promised Gabby i will be happy today.
I guess i did a good job! =D
Add maths project....ergh, i don't even wanna think about it, let alone do it. Sial-ness, all hand-written somemore. Fark.
Still waiting to get ALL the Cheer 2008 photos. JIACHENG! CEPAT SIKIT BOLEH TAK?
but a sneak peak, my favorite photo:
LAME MOMENT of the day.(ok la...funny):
Wei Ren: Eh Victor, you know you always scold people 'dork' right? You know what it means?
Me: No
Wei Ren: Dork is a WHALE'S PENIS!!!
....seriously, i am laughing my head off.
Oh, and i'm still probing about that particular problem.
I really miss talking to them. Woe me.
And i still don't frigging know the reason.
If that's the way of making me pay for what i did, by giving me this guilt,
i have only one thing to say to you:
....i think you're over-doing it.
I guess i did a good job! =D
Add maths project....ergh, i don't even wanna think about it, let alone do it. Sial-ness, all hand-written somemore. Fark.
Still waiting to get ALL the Cheer 2008 photos. JIACHENG! CEPAT SIKIT BOLEH TAK?
but a sneak peak, my favorite photo:
damn chunted model photo kan? You can practically FEEL and SMELL the MODEL-NESS. hahah...modeling for Channel.
LAME MOMENT of the day.(ok la...funny):
Wei Ren: Eh Victor, you know you always scold people 'dork' right? You know what it means?
Me: No
Wei Ren: Dork is a WHALE'S PENIS!!!
....seriously, i am laughing my head off.
Oh, and i'm still probing about that particular problem.
I really miss talking to them. Woe me.
And i still don't frigging know the reason.
If that's the way of making me pay for what i did, by giving me this guilt,
i have only one thing to say to you:
....i think you're over-doing it.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
When you don't have the courage, you run.
This has got to be a first.
I actually managed to convince my mom i was sick.
And i get to skip school. =)))
Yea, i'm sick of school at the moment. I can't bring myself to face....that problem.no wait, problemS. I really hate myself for this. Here i am, browsing through pictures of old times, and it had me wondering:
What happened to me?
a little song,from a little boy,to a not-so little girl, a little late, but all the same, a little braver.
I heard you're doing OK
But I want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
but you left anyway
I'm trying to forget thatI'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it.
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway
I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine
I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you[x2]
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker...
I actually managed to convince my mom i was sick.
And i get to skip school. =)))
Yea, i'm sick of school at the moment. I can't bring myself to face....that problem.no wait, problemS. I really hate myself for this. Here i am, browsing through pictures of old times, and it had me wondering:
What happened to me?
a little song,from a little boy,to a not-so little girl, a little late, but all the same, a little braver.
I heard you're doing OK
But I want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
but you left anyway
I'm trying to forget thatI'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it.
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway
I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine
I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you[x2]
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker...
Monday, July 14, 2008
Dreams and Hopes. They don't mix well.
Oh well, (another over-used word)
I'm not really sure what i'm feeling right now.
I saw what i saw 1 year ago,
that happy scene?
but now,
i'm outta the picture.
No no no,
i'm not grudging anyone or being a sour puss.
It's my own fault,
it has to be my fault,
there really is no other explaination.
And i still don't know WHY.
i thump the table in frustration laaa...
i crack my brain everyday...
BUT I CAN'T GET THE ANSWER!!!!
Ergh.
I really dread going to school now.
LAME MOMENT of the day:
Ok, i was talking to wei ren about the SIR, Spell-It-Right competition i saw on TV today. Then...
Wei Ren: *started laughing to himself* eh victor victor. Imagine the judge go like 'Spell Gap.' and the contestant like, 'What?'. 'Gap' 'What?' 'SPELL GAP! G-A-P GAP!' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
....i don't get him either.That's why he's wei ren la.
Will blog about Cheer 2008 when i get the photos from jieyi and astin.
you still smile,
but not at my anymore.
i miss it.
I'm not really sure what i'm feeling right now.
I saw what i saw 1 year ago,
that happy scene?
but now,
i'm outta the picture.
No no no,
i'm not grudging anyone or being a sour puss.
It's my own fault,
it has to be my fault,
there really is no other explaination.
And i still don't know WHY.
i thump the table in frustration laaa...
i crack my brain everyday...
BUT I CAN'T GET THE ANSWER!!!!
Ergh.
I really dread going to school now.
LAME MOMENT of the day:
Ok, i was talking to wei ren about the SIR, Spell-It-Right competition i saw on TV today. Then...
Wei Ren: *started laughing to himself* eh victor victor. Imagine the judge go like 'Spell Gap.' and the contestant like, 'What?'. 'Gap' 'What?' 'SPELL GAP! G-A-P GAP!' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
....i don't get him either.That's why he's wei ren la.
Will blog about Cheer 2008 when i get the photos from jieyi and astin.
you still smile,
but not at my anymore.
i miss it.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Birthday Shoutout
I know it's a bit late, so sorry.
To Sonia, my dearest bitch.
To Sonia, my dearest bitch.
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY to you, you lil bitch.
Sorry i missed BOTH your dinner parties. Promise you an awesome present la. HAHA.
Get fat and enjoy your life. Cheers.
Thank you very much. I'll remember that.
I thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could become between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright,We’d be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back
I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every lesson that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me,
How you showed me things,
I wish I’d never seen.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had
you can have them back
When the tables turn again,
You’ll remember me my friend,
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.
I’ll be the one you’ll miss the most,
But you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by,
You’ll wonder why,
You’re all alone.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back.
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, for all the times you let me down
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, your friendship you can have it back
but i wonder why am i the one who's feeling like a piece a turd when i listen to that song?
Maybe i wasn't good enough to be anybody's friend. Maybe it's just me.
It's always been me, i'm the wrong.
And the shittiest thing about this,
is that you can't fix things up, can't bring back what things used to be.
For all the wrongs i've done, i must've done something right, right?
Sigh.
Had one of the worst nights of my life yesterday. I was in a terrible mood, and i came home all sulky and that. I snapped and yelled at my mom for no apparent reason. I refused lunch and dinner(which made me crawl down to the kitchen at 11pm to curi makan chocolates). I felt so.....alone. Really. I did not exactly cry la, but you know, tears of frustrations.
Gawd, i am so weak.
Sorry seems redundant now. After what i saw with my own eyes today, this really signifies the end of all hope to patch up things again.
Maybe it is too late. Or maybe because i'm a chicken. Or maybe i'm feeling sorry for myself. or maybe i'm thinking too much, or maybe it's just me.
Maybe.
I am. Very. Sad.
and still sorry.
I thought that nothing could become between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright,We’d be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back
I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every lesson that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me,
How you showed me things,
I wish I’d never seen.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had
you can have them back
When the tables turn again,
You’ll remember me my friend,
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.
I’ll be the one you’ll miss the most,
But you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by,
You’ll wonder why,
You’re all alone.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back.
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, for all the times you let me down
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, your friendship you can have it back
but i wonder why am i the one who's feeling like a piece a turd when i listen to that song?
Maybe i wasn't good enough to be anybody's friend. Maybe it's just me.
It's always been me, i'm the wrong.
And the shittiest thing about this,
is that you can't fix things up, can't bring back what things used to be.
For all the wrongs i've done, i must've done something right, right?
Sigh.
Had one of the worst nights of my life yesterday. I was in a terrible mood, and i came home all sulky and that. I snapped and yelled at my mom for no apparent reason. I refused lunch and dinner(which made me crawl down to the kitchen at 11pm to curi makan chocolates). I felt so.....alone. Really. I did not exactly cry la, but you know, tears of frustrations.
Gawd, i am so weak.
Sorry seems redundant now. After what i saw with my own eyes today, this really signifies the end of all hope to patch up things again.
Maybe it is too late. Or maybe because i'm a chicken. Or maybe i'm feeling sorry for myself. or maybe i'm thinking too much, or maybe it's just me.
Maybe.
I am. Very. Sad.
and still sorry.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Birthday Shoutout.
TO MY DEAREST, MOST AWESOMEST,HOTTEST AND PRETTIEST MOMMY!!!
CHERYL JESSIE STEWART a.k.a SUZANNA GHAZALI BUJANG!!!!
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
omg la, only you can run around shouting to people: HOI! It's my birthday, faster wish me.
pure obiang-ness.
HAHA.
Love you to bits la. Will get your present ASAP. Now kinda broke la. HAHA.
gawd, i had so many chances,to make things right again,but i just sat there. The chicken within me, clucks with triumph. Ergh.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Lacking willpower....and sanity.
OK! OK! OK!
i admit, i'm emo...AGAIN!
*mock cheer*
I can't help it. Friends,family,HER, studies and life in general is enough to make me go ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I've been trying so hard to stop myself from being like this. Believe me, i really tried. All the negative feelings, i try not to show or express but to swallow it. In the end, all those feelings turned inwards and i started getting angry...with myself.
Sorry to Ian,Elle, Wei Ren,JieYi and YeeAun. You don't deserve to be snapped at.
It's getting so pathetic. Sorry is really all i can say. I hate it,alright?
Patching up seems harder than i thought it would be.
Lesson to self:
Before things break, learn to protect it with all your might. Coz once it does, no matter how you patch it up, there will still be cracks, damage done.
the blog is such an insidious creation.
It betrays everything.
EDIT *9.39 p.m*
Oh mi gawd.
What am i feeling now?
A wave of emotions. And i said i wanna be the master of it. Make me or break me, your call pal.
I am still sad, not emo anymore, but depressingly sad.
It's a funny feeling, wanting to cry but can't find a good enough reason to do so.
Tell me, am I the weakest guy you ever met?
i admit, i'm emo...AGAIN!
*mock cheer*
I can't help it. Friends,family,HER, studies and life in general is enough to make me go ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I've been trying so hard to stop myself from being like this. Believe me, i really tried. All the negative feelings, i try not to show or express but to swallow it. In the end, all those feelings turned inwards and i started getting angry...with myself.
Sorry to Ian,Elle, Wei Ren,JieYi and YeeAun. You don't deserve to be snapped at.
It's getting so pathetic. Sorry is really all i can say. I hate it,alright?
Patching up seems harder than i thought it would be.
Lesson to self:
Before things break, learn to protect it with all your might. Coz once it does, no matter how you patch it up, there will still be cracks, damage done.
the blog is such an insidious creation.
It betrays everything.
EDIT *9.39 p.m*
Oh mi gawd.
What am i feeling now?
A wave of emotions. And i said i wanna be the master of it. Make me or break me, your call pal.
I am still sad, not emo anymore, but depressingly sad.
It's a funny feeling, wanting to cry but can't find a good enough reason to do so.
Tell me, am I the weakest guy you ever met?
Monday, July 7, 2008
This is......oh dear.
OK. officially screwed. that coldness is seeping through, and hell no am i liking it one bit.
I hate not being able to talk.
I'ma go find out what's the cause, and i'ma patch things up, even if i die-trying.
I swore i'll make things right, and i stand by that.
i once said,
girls are clueless creatures.
sorry, i'm taking my words back.
GUYS are the clueless one.
namely, me.
Woe betide.
I hate not being able to talk.
I'ma go find out what's the cause, and i'ma patch things up, even if i die-trying.
I swore i'll make things right, and i stand by that.
i once said,
girls are clueless creatures.
sorry, i'm taking my words back.
GUYS are the clueless one.
namely, me.
Woe betide.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
the Apologies and Gratitudes
To Shin,Sorry for all the wrongs i've done to you. You're like one of the few whom i can really talk to, and you're holding my BIGGEST secret. Haha. Seriously, you've dealt with my emo-ness and grouchiness, and i don't blame you for snapping in the end. God knows everyone's got limits. SORRY LA! I WON'T MAKE FUN OF YOUR TAMAGOTCHI ANYMORE LA!
To Jess,
To Jess,Ok...we've kinda like...fallen apart i guess? What gives? I really miss those dumb moments we had last time. If it's something i did or said, please tell me, so i can make things up to you.The vibe you're giving out damn scary la. Sorry for the shit you got from me.
To BrianC and Thambi,you two are like my bro's la. Goddam lucky to know you guys. I know i'm not perfect, and i've like pissed you guys off sometimes. But i'ma change for the better, so thank you for being my friend. Let's Jam more la dammit.
To Mommy Cheryl,Omg, mommy i love you the most la. Yea, you might've forgotten, but sorry about that night, in Supercamp, where i kinda like pissed everyone off? Sigh, you comfort me the most la. Love you loads too. Thanks and sorry for everything.
To Sonia,my bitch,Bitch do me. HAHA! 7 years of bitch-bitch relationship, and i'm loving every moment of it. Yea, you might not know, but heck, you're somewhat a sister to me. Hell, i know i pissed ya off COUNTLESS of times, and here i stand...or type, to say i'm very sorry for everything i've done to offend you. You my tightest and midget-iest bitch. Hearts to you.
To Hweeling,Haha. Blue house and interact. That's how we met wasn't it? Aiya you damn cute la. Just wanna say sorry for FFK-ing you the H&G concert. You got my vote for next year's Blue House Captain!
To Muimui Vivian,aiya mui, you know i'll always love you la. Sorry for like, not able to keep the promises i've made. I'll be a better brother to you. So now...let's see what i owe you:
1)movie
2)shopping trip
3)lunch and dinner
4)B'day and X'mas presents.
Also,
To JieYi and Bunny Aun,
OMFG! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DON'T HAVE A PICTURE WITH YOU BOTH!!!! ARGH!!
Anyways, i know you 2 love me the most la.(perasan) HAHAHAAH. Thank you for caring always.
To Gabek,
To Gabek,
won't call you Changi anymore la, can't call you that anyways, coz you not changi anymore. Mt. Everest lor. HAHA. dumb bitch. I'm not pregnant.
To Elle,
Aiyo..........all our pictures together i lost em when i reformatted my comp. Anyways, yea, i enjoy our heart-to-heart talks la. HAHA! seriously, you're the only person whom i can talk about......that subject. Love you loads.
P.S : you not fat la bitch.
Funny moment of the day: My dad thinks my mom is a raving lunatic. You should've see him complaining to me about her. HAHA.
it's still hard,
but i'm trying my best.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
I'm still trying.
=(
no no, not EMO! i swear i'm not emo, i'm just sad.
Sigh, just when i wanted to start anew, everything had to fall apart.
I guess the patching up would be harder than i thought. this is gonna take a looooooooooooooooonnngggg time to mend.
I'm really,really sorry. I'm still the clueless dungu who tak tau apa dia telah buat.
and my parents won't let me go to the Rotaract Gathering. Bummer. and i can't go out to other functions too. Unofficially grounded. Double bummer.
BUT I'M STILL LEARNING HOW TO SMILE! =D
no no, not EMO! i swear i'm not emo, i'm just sad.
Sigh, just when i wanted to start anew, everything had to fall apart.
I guess the patching up would be harder than i thought. this is gonna take a looooooooooooooooonnngggg time to mend.
I'm really,really sorry. I'm still the clueless dungu who tak tau apa dia telah buat.
and my parents won't let me go to the Rotaract Gathering. Bummer. and i can't go out to other functions too. Unofficially grounded. Double bummer.
BUT I'M STILL LEARNING HOW TO SMILE! =D
Looking from the outside
previous post deleted
It's about high time that i start afresh.
I'll forget about all the what-if's and work hard to be the old me again. I hate the now me as much as you do, so i'm changing for the better.
I know i've said this before, but i promise, i'll try EXTRA harder this time.
It's time for me to learn how to smile properly again. =D
Sorry to all the friends i offended, hurt or ignored. You deserve better from me.
Thank You to all the friends who cared. Your concern really touched me. Won't take you guys for granted ever again.
SO WHAT IF I CAN'T GET HER? THERE ARE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF OTHER FISH IN THE SEA! I'm bound to catch one.....someday. Maybe i'm just not good enough for her.
I'll work harder on my grades. I'll practise more on my drums. I'll try to patch things up and fix the wrongs i've done. I wanna make up for the lost time.
I wanna forget about her. And that's what i'll do, eventhough it'll hurt the most.
'sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing to do are the same'
It's about high time that i start afresh.
I'll forget about all the what-if's and work hard to be the old me again. I hate the now me as much as you do, so i'm changing for the better.
I know i've said this before, but i promise, i'll try EXTRA harder this time.
It's time for me to learn how to smile properly again. =D
Sorry to all the friends i offended, hurt or ignored. You deserve better from me.
Thank You to all the friends who cared. Your concern really touched me. Won't take you guys for granted ever again.
SO WHAT IF I CAN'T GET HER? THERE ARE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF OTHER FISH IN THE SEA! I'm bound to catch one.....someday. Maybe i'm just not good enough for her.
I'll work harder on my grades. I'll practise more on my drums. I'll try to patch things up and fix the wrongs i've done. I wanna make up for the lost time.
I wanna forget about her. And that's what i'll do, eventhough it'll hurt the most.
'sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing to do are the same'
Friday, July 4, 2008
What happened to me?
Not having a good day.
I was that close from breaking down in class today.
I disgust myself.
I just want us to start talking again. I can hide my feelings for you, i can bury it in the depths of my heart, so let us start talking again. I really miss those moments. Please, stop ignoring me. It really hurts in the inside.
I was that close from breaking down in class today.
I disgust myself.
I just want us to start talking again. I can hide my feelings for you, i can bury it in the depths of my heart, so let us start talking again. I really miss those moments. Please, stop ignoring me. It really hurts in the inside.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I'm just a kid. Now, where have i heard that one?
Nyek nyek nyek.
Screw the what-shit hibernation crap la. I'm back blogging and onlining.
Why?
COZ I DID NOT FAIL 4 SUBJECTS!
YES I DID NOT!
i only failed 3......passed sejarah lah. i mean, who fails sejarah? who can? it's just too absurd. =D
Oh my god, i've been looking at things so narrowly that i've forgotten to widen my horizons. So what if my now-friends-turning-into-strangers are forsakening me? I got other friends who really care for me, friends i've neglected myself, friends i took granted for.
Thank you for being there for me. and fuck you again. If you hate me that much.....go on and continue being the grouch you are, god knows i need it. Maybe it's even better this way, you hating me. Ignore me. Throw everything you got at me. Who knows? i might turn out stronger after all this.
I've been relating my life to music lately. My iTunes have been replaying this playlist countless of times-Emo Time. Haha, collections of emo songs? Not really, dish in a few angry songs too, then that sums up my life pretty nicely. When i lose myself in those slow tunes and notes, then i only find myself able to breathe.
In and out. In and out.
My problems....not that i don't wanna share it, but it's just too complicated that i can't even put them into words. First there's her,then my friends, then my studies, then family.
Fucked up life would be good here.
I have to stop crying. I have to stop weeping like a little kid in 2am in the morning. i'm 17. i'm supposed to be stronger than this. (this is a confession. *shakes head*)
and you still never care.
I woke up it was 7
I waited till 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think i got a lot of friends
but I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When your spending everyday on your own
And here it goes
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight...
And maybe when the night is dead,
I'll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time,
I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own
and here it goes
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever
I'm just a kid [repeat x5]
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world.
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me tonight
I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause I'm just a kid tonight
Screw the what-shit hibernation crap la. I'm back blogging and onlining.
Why?
COZ I DID NOT FAIL 4 SUBJECTS!
YES I DID NOT!
i only failed 3......passed sejarah lah. i mean, who fails sejarah? who can? it's just too absurd. =D
Oh my god, i've been looking at things so narrowly that i've forgotten to widen my horizons. So what if my now-friends-turning-into-strangers are forsakening me? I got other friends who really care for me, friends i've neglected myself, friends i took granted for.
Thank you for being there for me. and fuck you again. If you hate me that much.....go on and continue being the grouch you are, god knows i need it. Maybe it's even better this way, you hating me. Ignore me. Throw everything you got at me. Who knows? i might turn out stronger after all this.
I've been relating my life to music lately. My iTunes have been replaying this playlist countless of times-Emo Time. Haha, collections of emo songs? Not really, dish in a few angry songs too, then that sums up my life pretty nicely. When i lose myself in those slow tunes and notes, then i only find myself able to breathe.
In and out. In and out.
My problems....not that i don't wanna share it, but it's just too complicated that i can't even put them into words. First there's her,then my friends, then my studies, then family.
Fucked up life would be good here.
I have to stop crying. I have to stop weeping like a little kid in 2am in the morning. i'm 17. i'm supposed to be stronger than this. (this is a confession. *shakes head*)
and you still never care.
I woke up it was 7
I waited till 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think i got a lot of friends
but I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When your spending everyday on your own
And here it goes
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight...
And maybe when the night is dead,
I'll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time,
I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own
and here it goes
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever
I'm just a kid [repeat x5]
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world.
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me tonight
I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause I'm just a kid tonight
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Honesty is bestowed unto myself
I shall come to terms with myself....for the second time.
I shall continue where i left off.
fuck you la, you stupid bitch. This is all your fault.
dang, i've been dying to say that. Who knew a girl, a mere 17 year old girl could minimize and cut me down into something so puny and pathetic?
i hope someday, i'll be able to look back and say: what a jerk i was.
But, alas, no.
I don't think i'm feeling sorry for myself or whatsoever, 'coz i pretty sure i got my feelings for her worked out, and the verdict is: it's quite serious. I feel that this ain't your typical teenage crush, it's something more.
But(there's always a but),she doesn't have the faintest notion of what's going on in my head. or for that matter, my heart.
I guess what i want now is, at least, some positive response from her. She's been treating me pretty coldly these few months, i don't know what triggered the change, but i ain't liking it one bit. What did i do? What did she do?
Now, i can't even look at her. If i do, by chance, i feel myself falling apart, breaking down in the inside. Oh, the dreaded mood swings. How am i gonna face her when.......sigh.
I need a friend.seriously, for once, a real friend.
A friend who really listens to my problems,
and not just wanting to get something 'juicy' from me.
A friend who actually sympathises my plight,
and not just scorn at me and label me emo.
Sadly, i see no such person.
i think i got a lot of friends, but i don't hear from them.
i don't even have best friend to begin with. Truly, this is SHIT? Please, God, send someone my way who i can cry out my woes to him/her. I really need help.
Note to self:
Don't waste your whole time trying to get something which is taking away.
I shall continue where i left off.
fuck you la, you stupid bitch. This is all your fault.
dang, i've been dying to say that. Who knew a girl, a mere 17 year old girl could minimize and cut me down into something so puny and pathetic?
i hope someday, i'll be able to look back and say: what a jerk i was.
But, alas, no.
I don't think i'm feeling sorry for myself or whatsoever, 'coz i pretty sure i got my feelings for her worked out, and the verdict is: it's quite serious. I feel that this ain't your typical teenage crush, it's something more.
But(there's always a but),she doesn't have the faintest notion of what's going on in my head. or for that matter, my heart.
I guess what i want now is, at least, some positive response from her. She's been treating me pretty coldly these few months, i don't know what triggered the change, but i ain't liking it one bit. What did i do? What did she do?
Now, i can't even look at her. If i do, by chance, i feel myself falling apart, breaking down in the inside. Oh, the dreaded mood swings. How am i gonna face her when.......sigh.
I need a friend.seriously, for once, a real friend.
A friend who really listens to my problems,
and not just wanting to get something 'juicy' from me.
A friend who actually sympathises my plight,
and not just scorn at me and label me emo.
Sadly, i see no such person.
i think i got a lot of friends, but i don't hear from them.
i don't even have best friend to begin with. Truly, this is SHIT? Please, God, send someone my way who i can cry out my woes to him/her. I really need help.
Note to self:
Don't waste your whole time trying to get something which is taking away.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Stop It.
Why?
it really is a wonder that it was only last week i was jotting this down in my notebook:
It's fine.
It's adequate.
It's quite gratifying
but it's fine, really.
My yesterday.
My joy.
I'm a guy
who drowns himself
in his yesterdays
just because of you.
Elation,
when you smile at me.
Euphoric,
when you touch me.
Exciting,
when you talk to me.
Extraordinary,
you make my day.
Even if i would walk Today,
still i would find
myself in Yesterday.
Nevermind about Tomorrow,
It can wait.
....
and now glory be! i'm singing a totally different tune now.
I really can't get any closer to her, can I? I mean, i'm like the Hulk. When he gets pissed off, he turns green and big. Me? I'm the Sulk. When i get near her and start thinking about....'things', I....well...I sulk.
Why?
p/s actually,i'm not supposed to use the compute anymore. Curi-curi blog now. This blog will enter semi-hibernation state. Might do some occasional update if i get the chance. Till then.
it really is a wonder that it was only last week i was jotting this down in my notebook:
It's fine.
It's adequate.
It's quite gratifying
but it's fine, really.
My yesterday.
My joy.
I'm a guy
who drowns himself
in his yesterdays
just because of you.
Elation,
when you smile at me.
Euphoric,
when you touch me.
Exciting,
when you talk to me.
Extraordinary,
you make my day.
Even if i would walk Today,
still i would find
myself in Yesterday.
Nevermind about Tomorrow,
It can wait.
....
and now glory be! i'm singing a totally different tune now.
I really can't get any closer to her, can I? I mean, i'm like the Hulk. When he gets pissed off, he turns green and big. Me? I'm the Sulk. When i get near her and start thinking about....'things', I....well...I sulk.
Why?
p/s actually,i'm not supposed to use the compute anymore. Curi-curi blog now. This blog will enter semi-hibernation state. Might do some occasional update if i get the chance. Till then.
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