Stop, Think, Cry

I'm tired. Of everything.

nonononononono, i am NOT being EMO. but just tired! emotionally tired....that's all.

It's damn funny, i feel like i'm acting in the wrong play. Am I changing? or is everyone drifting away. I really, really want to go back to those times.

...and that creeping loneliness is back. I crave for someone to hold on to.

i hope she'll be the one.

Oh, i was just passing by.

I wonder,
what's wrong with me?
That's 3 dreams in a row about you.
Scary,isn't it?
I can't trust myself anymore,
i said i'll stay loyal
i'm a hypocrite
'cause now...
it's you i'm thinking about.


Why is nobody blogging about IU Day? Is it that sucky that it's not worth blogging about? Just a '...and i was at CHS IU Day...' would suffice. C'mon, make me happy? =]]


Things i must get done:
1) Get my cymbals back from wenxiang, it's been almost 2 weeks now. I miss them.
2) Get my report done.
3) Prepare the speech which i'm gonna present tomorrow.
4) Start studying
5) Buy those birthday presentS. yes. -S. i have a lot i need to buy.
6) plan out the dance routine for my fellow penguins
7) full-steam ahead for Biru preparations for Sports Day
8) Exercise. A LOT.



and will you stop complaining that my blog has no pictures? It's a pain to wait for those stupid pictures to upload. and i don't have the patience. Time's ticking.

Splash in a cold bucket of ice water

It is over!

Yeap, IU Day CHS is officially over, and i can't be more glad and relieved if i wanted to.

I'm lazy to talk about the whole thing, but the WHOLE experience was unforgettable. The IU Day went on smoother than i expected.

Many thanks to all my Interactor pals and gals for helping out. Without you guys......man, i don't know what'll happen.

Special Thanks to Mommy Cheryl for portraying the perfect Freya.

AND I DON'T CARE! ASSUNTA'S IU DAY NOT FUNNY AT ALL! I AM NOT LAUGHING!

pssstt.....yuevern, DDG damn tall wei, quite rugged-looking too. =]]. Damn gay of me to say this.

Birthday Shoutout:

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY TO ELLE SIA!!!

Haha....last year january pic. Not much diff eh? Hope you'll have ur wishes come true!

To battle stress, Table Orgy

Tommorow is D-Day. IU Day to be exact. Show your support by coming ok?

IU DAY CHS 2008

Theme: Freya's Song

Time: 10-12pm

Ticket: RM7

Dress Code: Smart Casual/Formal

Raptai for Sports Day, it's a tiring job, especially you gotta shout yourself hoarse and be the 'Bad Guy' when training your juniors. Go Biru!

Spent the afternoon practising the sketch for tomorrow's IU. It was kinda scary, for me. I was so stressed and frustrated that i actually had to step out of the room and take deep breaths, just to stop me crying. Yes, i was at the verge of tears.

But all in all, it went fine. Better than i expected. Then, gave them Crank That Lesson 101. Haha...kah joon dance dam gau funny, like 'chow kuey tiao' like that. And we all had Table Orgy, damn erotic man.

I owe Cheryl another meal. God knows man, i've lost count on how many meals i've owe her.

Sorry to all my interact pals, sorry if i've been hard on you guys. I know you all did your best, and i'm grateful. so let's hope tomorrow will be smooth sailing!

And the curtain falls

'perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who haven never sought it'- Prof.Albus Wulfric Percival Dumbledore.


I just want to cry out loud. Just once would suffice, really.

I am not liking this one bit...

Sometimes i wonder, all of this,

is it really that worth it?

Ergh, IU Day. Damn lot of high expectations, which mounts the pressure and stress.

HELO? Not helping yo.

Ah heck, it's like, my first function, my first BIG project, and i'm like a super-blurrified-monster-bimbo running around. Oh fer the luv of Gawd!

I think the main problem i'm facing now is TIME. Yeap. Not enought time to practise, no time to stay back, time-clashes. The list goes on and on. I'll be so glad when this thing is over.

SO YOU GUYS BETTER SHOW YOUR SUPPORT BY COMING TO ICCHS IU DAY 2008! 26th APRIL! 10am to 12pm! THANK YOU!

Not to mention, Hari Sukan. Being Vice-Captain ain't that easy. But now at least i relish at the notion that i'm in control, commanding those juniors. Oh the satisfaction. ><

All in a nutshell: TULAN!

people have been complaining my blog has been lacking pictures. So here's one of my favorite anime character: Keroro Gunsou.


















spare me the 'what-ifs' and 'why-nots', thank you.

Go ahead, smite me.

I am seriously not happy.
Someone has to teach me how to handle stress.
I can't take this anymore.
I will be glad when this over-hyped function is over.


Now i know how Steven Spielberg feels.

My Sunday

JUST back from Jess's house. I went there for her Charity lunch. I had to go la...promised her.

So when i reached her already over-crowded house, first thing she did was to rob me, i mean asked me to DONATE rm20. So i forked over the cash to her already waiting friends who dumped my cash happily into a plastic container. Wonderful, i did a good deed.

Then i went in her house to stone, i mean SIT with shin yueh and drool, i mean CHAT. So fun. Ka wai was also there, then along came seriel killer nyit yang. Both of us went to get some chow. Imagine my pleasent surprise when i scooped some raw rice, a few already-soggy fried mushrooms, yellow sticky-rice and some vegetarian chicken curry. Both thambi and i sat there munching oh-so-happily listening to horrible piano music.

After choking, i mean finishing my food, all of us went upstairs to watch some TV. We watched some fast-talking indians gibbering away in some weepy-weepy indian movie. Damn hardcore man. Then, we watched some lifeless music channels.

I hypothesised that the Black rapping culture was derived from the Tamil culture. Compare:
1) Indians speak their mother-tongue at rapid speed without needing to pause for breath. Black nigga's do that too when rapping. see the connection?

2) Every indian movie can't have no indian dance/music scene. it's compulsory. Observe their dance cheography/moves. Then, flick on MTV. Observe Chris Brown's music video and watch him dance. His moves are eeriely similair to the indian dance.

3)Both of these race have darker skins than us.

It's downright plagarism. How can no one not notice this? *shakes head*

Back to my story. Jess decided to watch some horror flick, 'The Messenger'. Before that, we got side-tracked by some movie previews. As shameful it is for me to admit, i have to say, i cannot TAHAN horror movies. Call me a chicken if you want, but being a chicken is better than being a screaming BIMLA. I was like, 'GAWD AHHHH!!!' and 'no,no,No,NO,NOOOOO!!!' throughout the START of the movie. Embarrassing, it was.


Can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. No pictures 'cause i was having too much FUN***
















***not-really-a DISCLAIMER: the above was written sarcasticly with a very poor taste. Should any individual or group feel offended, well, that's YOUR problem.

BIMLA

Today. Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang. Sweated up a storm again. sheesh.


I am proud to say Cheryl Jessie Stewart has completed her BIMBO training. She is now 90% bimbo and 10% Cheryl.


Bimbo: oh my gawd...that's like, so NOT gonna happen!
Lala: eeyeerr.....i don wan do dis orh!


and thus,


BIMLA: Eeeeyeerr my gawd! that's like, so not gonna happen ORHX!*victory sign on cheek*
*inside joke la*

Can't believe i actually showed my inner-bimbo-ness to so many people. tits, shuan and yuevern must be emotionally scarred now. But it's ok, everyone has their inner bimbo, you just need time and COURAGE to draw it out.

TO CHERYL!
if ur reading this, practise your bimbo 3-stance, hair-flip and hand-flick! PERFECT IT OK???




i am so tired of trying to act normal in front of you.

I'm lazy to title this post.

Gah....I think if there were a category 'Most Bimbo-tic' in the Student's Choice, i would have clinched it,no problem.

Imagine. Me giving Cheryl lessons on how to be a full-fledged bimbo.

Maybe hweeling was right all along about me being a bimbo.

*shakes head*

Throwing it all away.

Damn.
Damn.
DAMN!

I
did
not
get
any
medal
for
Shot-put.
DAMN!

Eiyer....that stupid form 6 ungu dude. Wtf? Get out la. Bully us form 5's. He bloody threw a staggering 9.26M compared to my pathetic 7.47M. Damn sad and dejected now.

I watched a few running events today. Another disheartening sight to behold. ALMOST all acara, biru was last or second-last. Worst still, P2 lompat kijang, NO BIRU TURNED UP!

Forget first. If Biru can hold on to our current 3rd place, i will be more than satisfied.

Congratulations to Cheryl Mommy for getting 3rd. Haha...smiling and pouting while jumping.

Tomorrow,Javelin Throw. I can't make my stick stand straight......
...that sounded SO wrong.

We got more sh!ts than YOU.

Typical Tuesday.
Yeap, typical. But bear in mind my typical means total suckiness with a splash of tulan-ness all blended together to make me the moody and frustrated bastard i am now.

Ball-less eunuch Ng Kok Yew. He hair-raped me today. Now my so-called 'emo' fringe is gone. Annihilated. Obliterated. You get the idea. Now i look like some Chinese kampung fishing village lala boy. Sigh.

Join me in cursing that sissy dumbf*ck.

Sukan Saringan today. I had disket throw. I was hoping to get another gold like i did two years ago, but damn, i only managed a silver. Tomorrow will be javelin throw and the day after tomorrow, shot-put. Ergh. Need to work on my non-existant biceps.



I've been farting a lot lately. What could this mean?
A bad omen?
This is just a lull before the storm.....
*fart*

Tagged...after quite some time

Wow, i wonder how long it's been since i got tagged. Culprit this time is Francisca. Horny bitch, you keep showing me that hole and seriously someday, i'm gonna 'do' you. >=]

1. Have you given your first kiss away?
yeap.

2. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why?
blog buddies? for what? we can't even blog on a deserted island. *rolls eyes* ok ok fine. erm first...Sonia. I wanna see how she survives. then....probably yuevern, 'cause then she can SCREAM for help with her uber loud voice. Finally...Cheryl, so i'll make her catch fish for me. hahaha right back at you mommy.

Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Tokyo,Japan

4. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
that i'll be the drummer with an uber hot body for a famous rock band.

5. Who would i marry?
tough question la....previously i was SO gonna like marry Jesicca Alba. But now she's pregnant. wtf, dreams shattered.

6.Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
why would i fuck care if i see a rainbow???

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
my buddies and bitches.

8.If you win $1 million, what would you do?
buy some stuff i want, i guess.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
yeah. only if i know there will be a future for the relationship.

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
erm, personality first, looks second. but not too un-look-able. =P

11. Which type of person do you hate the most?
people like Ng Kok Yew and William Hung

12. Do you like black or white?
both also i like.

13. If you have faults, would you rather the ppl around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
point out i guess. i can take it

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
friends

15. Are you a shopaholic or not?
dude, i don't even wanna shop for my own clothes. does that answer the question? SAY NO TO SHOPPING!

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
character ar? means not physical? damn. Oh well, gimme brains.

18. What's bothering you lately?
read my previous posts. I'm just as clueless as you are.

19. What is life about?
listening to music and rocking on to the fullest. Minus the schoolwork.

20. Why do people often mistaken the forbidden fruit(Adam&Eve) as the apple?
because durians were ugly.

Take me there.

Ahh....Boyce Avenue.

I think this might be the antidote for my moodiness. Seriously, YouTube them.

They're a homegrown talent. The lead singer has a voice that is just amazing. This band's done a lot of song covers, which i think is way better than the originals. They also have a few self-composed songs which i absolutely am addicted to.

Their songs seriously makes me feel better....a bit. =]

It's kinda nice, to know you have a few friends who still cares. Don't worry too much about me guys. I'm working on this 'problem'. till then, moody me. =[

the other me.

I'm tired.
No,really, i've given up counting how many times i've said this, but yea, i'm seriously tired. Emotionally.

I'm sick of this charade.
Being someone i can't be anymore. It's draining. All this while, people see me as that happy-go-lucky fool. I'm so glad they don't see the 'other' side of me. I scare myself shitless sometimes too.

Nominated 'Court Joker' for Students Choice Award. heck, what an irony.

Maybe what i'm searching for is just...well....i'm not entirely sure what i want exactly. Love? Reasoning? Security? An Answer? answer to what? I don't even know what's the question.
I just want someone to listen. Someone who won't laugh or critisize me. Just a chance to pour out everything. I'm done being lonely. I'm done being so pessimistic.

You know what? I don't know if you noticed, but i think all my previous posts don't vary from this one.
Conclusion: I'm still feeling all THIS...



iTunes playing Find Me-Boyce Avenue.

thick face skin

Haha...persistency is the key.

I got myself a prom date. Score 1 for me.

Don't Change

I can't help it. Trying to be cheerful when i'm not is tiring work.
I don't know how long i can take this.

Why is everyone changing? Can't we all go back to the old times?



Finding a prom date is harder than it looks, but i won't give up till she says yes.


Mounting pressure.

Recharge my batteries please

EDIT.

i deleted the previous post because it kinda sucked. Didn't really conveyed what i was feeling. C'mon, i got 3 dudes breathing down my neck just to see HOW i blog? WTF?

Today was quite a...well...downcast day. I mean, i could tell everyone's laugh was kinda forced.
Friends.
Ergh, don't get me started.
I mean, they're so hard to make,
and so easy to lose.

But, when you have those friends who befriend because they know who you are, hold on to them. I'm glad i have you guys by me, it means a lot to me, eventhough you can't see it.

I wish i could go back to the days where we just cried:'I DON'T FRIEND YOU LIAO' and then 15 minutes later, we would whisper into each others ears: 'ok ok...i friend you now.'

Oh, and it rained. HEAVY rain.
but i'm beginning to like the pitter-patter of those crystal drops. =]
It's nice. But i don't know how to describe.


I will stop being so emo.
and the first step to do so,
is to stop thinking so much.
Why complicate things? =]]



OFF TO TACKLE MY OVER-DUE HOMEWORK!
i'll try to forget about you, for a while.

Clarity

I've been feeling down these days. I did some re-reading my previous posts, and only now did i realise how emo i've become. Can't blame me i guess. I'm insecure and sensitive by nature, eventhough you people can't see it.

I feel like i'm standing in a crowd of people, searching for someone to talk to. But they all just whiz past, i'm just...nobody. Yeah. Nobody cares.

So many things have happened. I'm just searching for the strength to deal with them. I'm just 17 after all.

Hakka and Korean Fever.

It's ironic.

I'm a Hokkien, yet i can't utter a single phrase to save my life.
I'm not a Hakka, yet i haggle prices with the pasar pagi fish monger lady flanked by my mother.



Ngai hiao gong hak wa. Ngai hao hoi sim.



Approximately 5 hours ago...
'Eh chung ar, mommy go out now ar, i want to buy the chinese herbs and My Girl.'
'My what?'
'Aiya...My Girl la, the korean drama showing on 8TV ar...very nice la'



And with that, off she went.
half an hour later....
'Ah Chung!!! On the DVD player for mommy.'
*rolls eyes*'For whaaat....'
'Aiya, i want to watch My Girl la, faster faster on. OK, fast forward to the part where i stop....OK OK THERE! STOP THERE! Ahh....ok ok, good.'

And so, that was...*counting*...possibly the 11th Korean Drama my mom watched. She vehemently denies she's hooked on Korean Drama's,but evidence suggest otherwise.





3 hours later....


'CHUNG AR!!!! FASTER COME HERE!!!'
'whaaaaaaatt....'
'why no more already one? Haven't finish la the series...'
'Aiyo....only got 3 discs here. It says here until episode 12 only....'
'Har? Finish lidat ar? No la....you faster call jieyi and ask her how the series end.'
*call to jieyi*
'Jieyi say happy ending wor, and got like 16 episodes.'
'Aiyo i got conned liao. Faster come with me.'



Before i could protest, she dragged me all the way to the DVD shop to question the dude. Apparently, the idiot had not the faintest notion that the series was incomplete. Dumbass.


It's funny la, just for some fake and stupid weepy-weepy korean drama, my mom would go to such lengths.

I was sitting in my room, doing some random thinking. Nothing in particular, just life in general. I concluded that life,no matter how optimistic you are, is still tipped to the side where all are immersed in sadness. How many of us will be saved the pain of seeing the most important things in our lives disappearing from one moment to the next? I don't just mean people, but our ideas and dreams too. We might survive a day, a week, maybe a few years, but ultimately, we're all condemned to lose.

It's amazing what sh!t your brain can cook up.

Hark Who's Talking

I wonder how much longer can i keep this up.
It's weird in a way.
and funny too.
But bottomline is, it's better this way.


Venue: Chemistry Tuition.

Me,Jieyi &BrianL: '*insert very awkward and non-fluent Hakka dialect here*'

Annoyed Kaijie a.k.a Pikajie: " ngai ngai ngai*. shut the f*** up la'

*ngai means 'I' in Hakka.

tsk tsk, i really have to work harder on my Hakka.




and i'm wondering to myself. All of this, is it really that worth it?


I am not enjoying my teenage life which i'm supposed to.

F*** the What?

Gasp! I actually did it.
What can this possibly mean?


Oh, and my mom wants me to start studying/revising like, everyday now.

'At least a few hours everyday ok? then during weekends, study minimum 7 hours ok?'

and i've decided. I'm gonna use MORE proper english to blog now. Please, don't ask why. No more la's and one's.


Ish, off to do homework now.
Gotta finish that sejarah nota, copy my ming qu.


The joys of life of an average teenager.Go figure.

cry, when no one's looking

it's quite amazing,the things your friends can do FOR and TO you.
Quite speechless, i would say.


and i learned that confessing nonchalantly isn't always the best way to get your message across.

....

I really have to let this out. I'm tired.
No, seriously. Tired.
I'm tired being someone i'm not,
the one you see in school,
acting like a fool, happy-go-lucky.
That's not me.

Oh, guess what? it JUST started to rain. Coincidence? Maybe.

Let it all unfold

i shall blog about TODAY.

Had auditions. Supposedly for Teacher's Day la. So there we were up there, equipped with 2 guitars, a crash cymbal and a pair of shakers which i have to say were quite bloody useless as they can't make a loud enough effin sound.
I will be brutally honest. If you asked me, i think we weren't at our best. Point fingers to lack of practise.

and i was sweating like nuts. as usual.

But we nailed it. Passed. That's the high point.
But we're not performing for teacher's day. That's the low point.
Apparently we're gonna perform for some teacher's retirement.
Shoot me.


Plenty of drama today in 5S1.
Heck, i think it's good enough to be made into a movie. Tsk.
But being the neutral dude i am, i shall sit on the fence, watching all that happen.

Lies and accusations.
I can't believe i got dragged into it.

all these sh!ts happened on April Fool's Day. Bummer. that was a definite kill joy. Even the WHOOPEE cushion Shin brought was...well....whoopee.



And i would like to apologize to the my friends who are Ed-Boarders for getting them into trouble. My sincere apologies.


i don't know.
don't ask me.
but it feels like
the rain
has not passed.