Ghosts of the Past

sigh, well we had school today. On a friggin Saturday? Just because those Malay's want to celebrate their Raya, doesn't mean they have to make us suffer on saturdays. Schmuck. I still hate SOME of those non pork-eating-but-still-curi-makan Malays.

It's kinda weird you know. I would have not thought about her so much if Elle and I weren't talking about our non-existent love life. Lol.

weeelllllll.........

It all began in Standard 4, when i was still a fat(nearing obese) obnoxious brat in primary.




ok.....you didn't believe that, did you?
anyways, i guess i'm so lucky to know her that year, she was sitting next to me. To protect her identity, i'll just give initials.

her name is KSF. I have to say, she looked divine. Even for a 10 year old, she was already VERY cute and pretty. I wouldn't talk about her physique, cause i was still a very innocent and pure guy then, never bothered to check out girl's assets or jugs. hehe

well.....i don't know how to put this together. We just....sorta clicked you know? as friends la...and we were sorta close i guess. We used to play silly and childish games, and talked heart-talk sometimes......

I guess that's when i started to develop feelings for her.

Thinking back, i thought it was just typical puppy crush you know? But do so-called puppy crush last for 7 years? i think not.

Then we got seperated to different classes. I was in 5L and she was in 5J, 2 classes between us. but heck, we still found other ways of communication. We passed notes or letters to each other almost everyday. And we continued to talk silly things.....we teased each other everytime we get the chance.

I enjoyed every sweet moment of that.

Then enter primary 6, our last year. please, don't think i'm perasan or anything, but i've slimmed down A LOT. Puberty mar...i had an early one, so all my baby fats just burned off. But still, i had low self-esteem that time. I didn't dare to confess to her, i mean, what if it ruins our friendship? But.....i kept thinking about her all the time. I never thought i could be this crazy about a girl!

oh and let me add something. Primary 6, she's prettier and cuter than before.

Oh heck, we knew passing letters to each other was kinda impossible, cause some people found out and began teasing about us. So, we began to use Alexander G.Bell's noble invention. We could talk for HOURS on the phone. My god, we had to switch ears between intervals. HAHA

Then, we had our graduation school trip to Penang-Langkawi. I thought maybe i could use this chance to confess or maybe just get a lil closer to her? No chance, she sticked to her friends throughout the trip while i sticked to mine(Sonia, elyse and Lynn would remember eh?)

haha....talk about cuteness shit, during the trip, i got her a type of necklace which has a grain of rice in it, with her name and the words "Happy Forever" etched on it. I was like, how the fuck am i suppose to give this to her. And my oh-so thoughtfull friends, Sonia and Elyse, took matters into their own hands........

Shit.

I was on the bus, sitting there listening to Elyse's I-Pod and waiting for the bus to bertolak. Then suddenly KSF appeared, apparently dragged onto the bus by sonia and elyse. And they kept saying: 'Lichung got something give you!" and she was like ????????

O jeez, i was so embarressed , I couldn't look her into the eyes. Man, I was actually SWEATING! then with trembling hands, i handed her the necklace. She looked at it, embaressed too, and muttered a 'thank you' and dashed off the bus. Heck, i didn't know whether to be sad or happy.

So when we came back from the trip, she handed me this envelope. My heart was doing a drum solo when i got that tiny pink envelope. I ran to a corner to open it.

Here were the contents, translated to English from Chinese:
I like you very much Lichung, but i'm sorry, this is as far as we can go.

Then, inside the envelope was the necklace................................

So there you have it, my first rejection. And after that, we lost touch, didn't even dare to look each other in the face. And during graduation, i didn't really even said a proper good-bye to her. No handshake or hug.

"Hey,'im going home now, Bye."
"Oh, ok. Bye-Bye."

And that was it.... She went to Chung Hwa High while i landed my butt in CHS.

After all these years, even when i was with Careen, I still miss her. I really,really do. 7 years and i still can't let her go.

I lost touch with her. I just want to know how she's doing after all these years. I'm not expecting ANYTHING from her and i'm not here to 'kau' her. I just wanna know how she's doing....out of old time sakes. I miss her a lot lately.

i guess this ain't a puppy crush then? I don't know, but i would really love to talk to her again. Childhood friends? yea, i guess that's it.

SIGH! but i guess i have to move on. She'll still remain in my heart in a tiny corner. I know it's silly to think about her, but then, i think i really found what i want. And i'm waiting for another HER! hehe........so........

I Miss You KSF, I really hope we can get in touch.....for old times sake.